How to Support Your Friend's Book Launch
13 authors share how loved ones showed up for their big day
Happy Hump Day! I’m Tawny, an advice columnist better known as “The Sober Sexpert” and author of Dry Humping: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze. I’m here to empower you to find your *intrinsic* courage without booze—regardless of your relationship status—one date at a time.
I was never one of those girls to visualize my wedding day, having babies, or buying a home… but I’ve always visualized my book launch. The book launch of my dreams lies somewhere between Carrie Bradshaw’s elaborate event and the countless actual book launches I’ve attended here in New York.
Most book launches are simple. Friends, family, and fans gather in a bookstore to listen to the author read a passage from their book, followed by a moderated discussion with a like-minded author, and closing with a book signing and photos. My friend Sophie St. Thomas (currently writing her sixth book!) hosts outside-the-box book launches with tarot card readers and burlesque performers, usually in a dive bar.
The dream event celebrates your book baby’s arrival in the world. But there are also stories of nobody attending a book launch. Yes, even Carrie Bradshaw had a cringeworthy reading where she realized she was the opening act for… an internet-famous dog, and nobody came to hear Carrie read about her relationships.
I have friends and family flying to NYC to support the launch of Dry Humping. I don’t want to put a ton of pressure on myself to throw a perfect event, but I do want to celebrate the arduous amount of work it takes to write a book by throwing a kick-ass party with my favorite humans.
I’m officially six weeks from seeing my book in bookstores. To prepare (and get some ideas), I asked some author friends how their loved ones showed up for them on the big day. But first, here are the creative, supportive ways my loved ones have already showed for me:
Irina Gonzalez, managing editor for this newsletter and badass writer, sent me a personalized self-care package filled with coloring books, tarot cards, bisexual-flag colored pens, and much more. So thoughtful!
Some friends preordered multiple copies of Dry Humping to give away to their friends.
My partner cooks me yummy meals regularly, so he ramped up his cooking during my moments of high stress or tight deadlines.
Lisa Smith, author and my co-host on Recovery Rocks podcast, bestie, and mentor, sent me a bouquet of flowers when I announced my book deal & random Seamless gift cards throughout the writing process so I could order takeout on days that Nick and I don’t have the energy to cook.
My amazingly supportive aunt paid for my partner and me to dine at a Michelin-Star restaurant once I turned in my completed manuscript.
Even more friends sent me Seamless gift cards while I was on my book deadline. Can you tell how much I love food!?
Some friends took photos of them reading my book on their travels to San Diego, Mexico, and Iceland.
Mom kept me stocked with my favorite beef jerky and homemade tortillas from HEB, a popular grocery store in my home state of Texas.
And now, for some tips from fellow authors:
Holly Whitaker, author of Quit Like A Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol
“There were so many people who did so many things that helped me push it over the finish line (and held me when it launched). People read draft after draft, did sensitivity checks, brought me coffee, fed my cat while I locked myself in a hotel to finish writing the book, filled my office with balloons on launch day, and came to my events.
Plus, without my friend Sarah, I don’t know if there would be a book. She made me a sweatshirt designed after one of my discarded book covers and sat with me, revising Quit Like A Woman like it was her book, too.”
Ruby Warrington, author of Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood
“My dear friend Alexandra flew into NYC from Boulder, CO, to attend my launch event. Having her make that special effort felt like an acknowledgment of how much work I put into the book, and how important the project was to me. The fact it was a book about not having kids, and that she was three months pregnant at the time felt extra symbolic!”
Zachary Zane, author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto
“One of the best bits of advice I got from my sister-in-law, a successful novelist. Before my book came out, she told me how proud she was, but she also said: This book doesn't define you. You are no more interesting, important, or "better" because you wrote this book. You were incredible before you wrote this book, and you have worth outside of this book. So no matter the reception, sales, or reviews, you are still you. And you will always be loved.
And I have to shout out to my mother, who I forbid from reading my book. (She doesn't need to know the sordid details of my sex life, and somehow, curiosity hasn't gotten the best of her, and she actually hasn't read it yet!) She pre-ordered 20 copies and then donated the copies to various libraries and LGBTQ centers across Los Angeles.”
Amanda E. White, LPC author of Not Drinking Tonight: A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Love
“My parents and husband read my final edits, which helped so much when I couldn't stand to look at my manuscript one more time, haha! My friends all ordered my book and shared it online.”
Sarah Levy, author of Drinking Games: A Memoir and Seltzer Rocks on Substack
“My mom drove up to LA and took me to lunch on the day of my book launch, and my best friends from college sent flowers. I was a nervous wreck all day and didn't really know what to do with myself, so fun distractions helped. My husband also had a cake made with my book cover on it, which was really sweet!
In general, I think there's so much buildup to a book launch, and people aren't necessarily going to sit down and read the whole thing on the day (or week, or month, or year...) that it comes out, so getting feedback from readers can take time. Authors also have no control over things like press, reviews, or media coverage, and it's easy to get swept up in all of that.
If you have a loved one launching a book, read it and tell them what you liked. Then remind them that they wrote a whole damn book! Celebrating that accomplishment in and of itself is really the best way to show up for them.”
Amanda Montei, author of Touched Out: Motherhood, Misogyny, Consent, and Control
“Absolutely the best way to support a writer (who is also a parent) at any stage of any book writing process is to give them free childcare.”
Laura Cathcart Robbins, author of Stash: My Life In Hiding
“Day of launch: My boyfriend and his daughter Lily (my bonus daughter) went to our local bookstore to see Stash: My Life In Hiding on a shelf for the first time (I called first to make sure they had it). Then they took me out to a celebration dinner.
Week of launch: My friend (and NYT best-selling author) Holly Whitaker, moved her schedule around so that she could do my very first book event for me and pack the place (she did!). Holly also encouraged her newsletter subscribers for four weeks leading up to the launch to pre-order Stash. (Note: See Holly’s quote above!)
Month of launch: A woman I'd never met before (a true author patron) threw me an incredible dinner party in her Brooklyn home and invited several tastemakers from the literary world.
First quarter of launch: Six local friends volunteered to throw parties for me at their respective homes and businesses. They ranged from an in-studio "Stash and Pole" pole dance lesson to a luau-themed backyard party to a catered evening affair.
Avery Carpenter Forrey, author of Social Engagement
My parents gave me a silver bookmark with my initials and the date I sold my novel—I use this special memento not only while reading, but also to hold my own pages together while revising!
Amanda Kuda, author of Unbottled Potential: Break Up with Alcohol and Break Through to Your Best Life
A few close friends supported me during my writing process by gifting me their vacation properties to hole up and write up in (an actual dream come true for a writer, though I'm genuinely sad that I did not have a single meet-cute with a Jude Law-type while away writing).
Finally, this summer, 3 months out from publication day, a dear friend threw me a "book shower" to celebrate the tremendous journey that was my writing process. It was a beautiful and intentional ceremony to celebrate this rite of passage and massive professional accomplishment. I'm so honored and grateful to be supported and celebrated so generously.
Karolina Rzadkowolska, Alcohol-Free Empowerment Coach and Author of Euphoric: Ditch Alcohol and Gain a Happier, More Confident You
My mom went out to Barnes and Noble and bought all the available copies. My husband fully supported me throughout the process, including my writing retreats where I'd lock myself up in a hotel or Airbnb to get my chapters done. And he even took me to dinners out to celebrate my milestones.
Dana Maier, author of Skip To The Fun Parts : Cartoons and Complaints about the Creative Process
Launching a debut book turns authors into a bundle of raw nerves, which means that the slightest kindnesses will go a long way. Are you showing up to your friend’s book event? Did you recommend their book on social media? Did you pre-order without being asked? Congratulations! You are a genuine hero, and your friend will never forget it. (Also, if you didn’t do any of these things, it’s totally fine; they get it! But you should definitely write them a nice review on Goodreads to make up for it.)
Freda Love Smith, Retired indie rock drummer and author of Red Velvet Underground: A Rock Memoir, With Recipes and I Quit Everything: How One Woman’s Addiction to Quitting Helped Her Confront Bad Habits and Embrace Midlife.
When my first book, Red Velvet Underground, came out in 2015, I was working as a full-time academic advisor at Northwestern, a very much in-person, Monday-Friday, 9-5 situation. My boss was friendly but tough, and she was adamant about the importance of keeping to the schedule. I wanted to do everything I could to promote my book, but I needed to keep my job, too! We devised a plan whereby I'd be available to meet with students on the phone while I was away, and we asked a colleague to cover for me in case of any urgent need for in-person advising. It all worked out beautifully!
How have you supported a loved one’s book launch or other career milestone?
Until next time,
P.S. This issue was edited by Irina Gonzalez.
Timely and interesting ideas. Fabulous shirt!!!
Such a great, actionable curation of quotes and ideas, Tawny! Love seeing these BTS shots of pre-order and launch time. Thank you and CONGRATS! I hope you're enjoying every part of the ride (or, you know, at least most parts).