How to Meet (Hopefully Sober) Singles IRL

3 Tips for finding love outside of dating apps

Welcome! I’m Tawny, an advice columnist better known as “The Sober Sexpert” and author of Dry Humping: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze. I’m here to empower you to find your *intrinsic* courage without booze—regardless of your relationship status—one date at a time.

Upcoming Book Tour Dates:

photo by Robert Riese Photography

Oct 25th - (NYC) Break Free Gala, I’m walking in the fashion show!

Oct 28th - (NYC) Shatterproof 5k Walk, book signing

Nov 8th - (NYC) Sober (Curious) Queer Tarot Mixer with Curious Elixirs. Get your free ticket here.

Nov 12th- (NYC) I’m moderating a talkback about grief featuring actor/playwright Katie Mack and author/grief therapist Gina Moffa. This convo follows a live performance of Mack’s one-woman show, #UglyCry. Buy tickets here.

Nov 15th - (LA) Live convo with Paulina Pinsky at Berri’s Lounge with NA pop up, Licoeur

Nov 30th - (DC) Live convo with Laura Silverman at Binge Bar to celebrate my 8th SoBerthday!

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My friend and fellow author, Kassi Underwood, is offering her Practical Guide to Spirituality *for free* to anyone looking for a free resource to manage their stress/devastation/heartache with what’s happening in Israel. Use code PRACTICAL100 at checkout.

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Dear Tawny,

I’m a bisexual Boston-based cis woman in my 30s, and I have a question that’s been plaguing me: Where can I find singles not through online dating?! 

I’ve had no luck doing the usual dating apps that everyone else uses too, and speed dating events that I’ve gone to yielded no results either. Can you recommend a sober dating site or community? My partner doesn’t necessarily have to be sober (though that would be preferable), but I’m not sure where to look for dating prospects that are my age, aka in their mid-thirties or older.

- Getting Antsy

Hey Getting Antsy! You’ve come to the right place because I met my sober husband IRL. I, too, was sick of dating apps. While I know many folks who’ve found love on the apps (like BLC’s managing editor,

Irina Gonzalez

!) and even enjoy swiping left and right; digital dating never felt right for me. TBH, I always felt disposable. I didn’t know how to reduce my identity to a pithy bio or select photos of myself that felt natural but not forced. I found the whole experience to be hella awkward.

There’s a whole chapter of my book about this very subject, titled Dating Outside the Box (And the Bar), so I’ll give you a sneak peek of the full chapter here—and tell you three ways that you can meet (sober) singles without relying on the things we already know aren’t working for you.