How to Avoid Booze During the Holidays
7 Tips for surviving the FOMO and all the alcohol-heavy holiday hangs
Happy Hump Day! I’m Tawny, an advice columnist better known as “The Sober Sexpert” and author of Dry Humping: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze. I’m here to empower you to find your *intrinsic* courage without booze—regardless of your relationship status—one date at a time.
Let’s be real. The holidays can be a tough time for folks in recovery and the sober curious community because seemingly every party, dinner, and hang-out centers around drinking. The FOMO can feel overwhelming, which might lead you to isolate, cave into peer pressure, or self-destruct in some other way. This week’s issue is about helping you avoid booze during the holidays.
It’s not just being around alcohol that can bring up discomfort. Traveling, being single during “cuffing season” or being coupled up, being around family members (even if you love them but especially if they’re toxic), engaging in heated political discussions at aforementioned holiday gatherings, or reuniting with old friends can also feel triggering, even tempting you to “just have one.” I promise you’re not alone in those feelings or triggers. I still deal with this stress every year (and sometimes on a daily basis)! And so do some of my friends and colleagues.
Below, you’ll find a list of tangible tips and words of encouragement to help you care for yourself without booze during the holiday season.
1. On Christmas 2021, I was three days sober. I don't recommend getting sober three days before Christmas (I didn't have a choice; -- I crash-landed at home after a traumatic bottom), but I do recommend leaning on sober resources throughout the holidays. Whether that's a twelve-step meeting or letting someone close to you know you're not partaking in festivities, support is of the utmost importance. My first twelve-step meeting was on Christmas Eve, and I haven't looked back since. Getting sober was *truly* a Christmas miracle.
Every Christmas, I move through the memories of my traumatic bottom. But I come through the holidays with incredible gratitude because of it.
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is the writer of newsletter and co-author of It Doesn’t Have to be Awkward: Dealing with Relationships, Consent, and Other Hard-to-Talk-About Stuff. Sign up for her “Start Your Own Substack” workshop.
2. The holidays can be challenging at the best of times. For those dealing with other stressors or in early recovery, this time of year can feel utterly overwhelming, so I always say that opting out of uncomfortable gatherings, even with family, is always an option. Opting out is a form of self-care. For the get-togethers you do choose, have safety nets in place:
A list of at least a couple of folks you can call or text if you need immediate support.
If you're traveling to see family, plan a coffee and walk or a midday film, solo or with a friend.
If you attend recovery meetings—in-person or online, put them in your calendar! And add some extra possible meetings—the ones you might need if things start to feel shaky. Many 12-step and other groups have 24-hour marathon meetings during holidays.
Find ways to get out of your head through volunteering or being of service. There are endless ways to be of service, from helping to make or distribute meals with a local organization, dropping off cookies for your older neighbor who lives alone, or checking on a friend who may need extra support. If you’re stuck on what to do, message me.
Make a self-care routine for the holidays and add these items to your calendar: walks, facials, meditation, an online yoga class, etc. You deserve the care.
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, author of the memoir Strung Out and the long-running advice column
3. If you're like me and you have a somewhat tumultuous dynamic with your family of origin, I need to let you in on my #1 tip that has saved my sanity time and time again: You don't have to stay with your family. Yes, I know this might be a luxury, but if you can swing it, get an Airbnb so that you can have your own. You need space to retreat to and recharge. If that's not an option, make sure your fam knows you need a little extra time alone. Schedule time to work at a coffee shop or do something on your own so that you have a bit of time to yourself.
(Note from Tawny: I fully endorse this tip! I no longer stay with my parents when I visit them as a form of self-care and boundary-setting.)
Amanda Kuda, coach and author of Unbottled Potential: Break Up With Alcohol And Break Through To Your Best Life
4. I decide what’s non-negotiable for my physical and mental health and make it The Policy. I uphold The Policy with myself and with others. Highlights include: time writing in bed with coffee each morning before getting online, daily yoga and seated meditation, eating meals extra-slow while consuming non-stressful content, and…... staying sober!
The Policy holds year-round but feels especially supportive during holidays or other times of stress, chaos, or overwhelm. It ensures that I feel my best (and look my best, ha) atin the moment and afterwards. If I’m tempted to violate The Policy, I play the tape forward and think about how I’ll feel later—when falling asleep that night, when waking the next morning, and the whole next day. I find that weighing the tradeoffs makes The Policy a no-brainer and slays the temptation to break it.
, doctor of Chinese Medicine and writer of Sober Soulful
5. A reminder for all of us non-drinkers: If you want an alternative to alcohol as a guest at an upcoming holiday party, make it and take it yourself. Everyone has a lot on their plate, and they may forget you don't drink. Don't hold it against them. This can be a little shift in perspective by taking responsibility for your wants and needs. Be confident and self-reliant, and show up with your delicious mocktail of choice. It just may inspire someone at the party to try it themselves. -
of6. I used to always be loud at family functions because I'd be intoxicated. I love to show up with NA drinkies in tow and stay loud so people understand that it was never the drinking that made me obnoxious. The best gatherings are the ones I remember. I might still blurt out something ridiculous that I didn't mean to, but at least I'm aware of it now! As always, having non-alcoholic options that aren't sodas or seltzers keeps me from missing the booze. A bottle of NA whiskey or gin and some cans of sparkling NA wine are all I need... and maybe some NA rum for the vegan nog!
- Aqxyl Storms (they/them), founder, curator, and owner of Minus Moonshine (Tawny’s fav non-alcoholic bottle shop!)
7. I feel like I say this all the time but: BE KIND TO YOURSELF. That’s the advice I received from my first therapist when I entered recovery, and it holds true in all aspects of life. No matter what happens this holiday season—whether you slip up as I did during my first sober holidays or finally create the NA bar cart of your dreams during your OOO—I just want you to remember to treat yourself the way you would treat your very best friends.
When the holidays are over, you’ll be lying in bed with yourself and it’s important to remember that, at the end of the day, you’re in this for you. You gave up alcohol for a reason, right? Remember that when that annoying coworker or your uncle who just doesn’t get it says again, “You sure you can’t have just one?”
, journalist, managing editor of , and author ofAdditional Resources:
This piece I wrote about avoiding family drama during the holidays.
Paulina Pinsky wrote about staying sober on Thanksgiving; these tips are evergreen for any holiday!
Revisit this newsletter all about identifying and setting boundaries.
The beauty of chosen family during the holidays.
How do you plan to take care of yourself this holiday season?
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Happy Humping,
P.S. This issue was edited by
This is A GIFT!
This is great. Super thumbs up for not staying with family. I’m gonna share this in my community 🎈