Father of Mine: The Interview

Everclear's Art Alexakis discusses sobriety, music, and why he wrote that iconic song

I’m Tawny, author of Dry Humping and co-author of The Sobriety Deck, co-host of the Recovery Rocks podcast, and co-founder of the vinegar-based botanical beverage, (parentheses)

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Since 1997, I’ve wanted to tell Art Alexakis, lead singer of Everclear, that “Father of Mine” changed my life. 27 years later, it finally happened on Recovery Rocks, my podcast with queen Lisa Smith.

My relationship with my father was—and is—complicated. Dad’s a heavy metal musician whose career took off when I was born. He chose the career, meaning I was raised by a single mom with Dad around from time to time.

Dad and I are in a good, loving place now, but it wasn’t always that way.

Knowing that Art Alexakis wrote a song about an absent father validated my pain. His being a fellow rock star somehow helped, but I can’t fully explain why. Art made it to the other side of that emotional devastation by writing about it, so maybe I could, too.

I was 11 years old the first time I heard the “Father of Mine” lyrics: “I never understood you then. And I guess I never will.” That lyric eventually taught me that we don’t have to understand people’s choices to accept them. In fact, discerning Dave: the human from Dave: the dude who gave me life helps me understand and accept some of his choices.

In the same way that Alanis Morrisette’s music taught me that it’s OK for women to feel rage, Everclear’s “Father of Mine” gave me the language to process my relationship with my dad. I’ve always valued a song lyric’s ability to help me feel less alone, even if I didn’t fully understand the complex feelings floating around my body.

I just knew that Alanis was pissed at a dude, Art was also pissed at a dude, and I’m often (still) pissed at dudes. These artists chose music to help them express those feelings. Choosing music means they also chose to share that pain with the world, ultimately helping us regular folks feel seen.

Before the interview began, I asked Art if it was OK to discuss “Father of Mine,” acknowledging that he’s probably sick of talking about a 27-year-old song. He kindly agreed to discuss the song, even telling us about the night he wrote it. “We all have daddy issues,” he joked as we laughed and nodded together. Thanks, Art!

Art also told Lisa and me about his writing process, his 34 (!!!) years of sobriety, and how he’s obsessed with Maid on Netflix. Which then turned into all of us raving about

Stephanie Land

’s books for a few minutes.

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Dad and I are both sober now. We each put effort into our relationship because we know that all we have is today. He even flew out to New York for my book launch! Familial relationships are one day at a time, too.

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You can watch the full Art Alexakis interview above or listen at the following links:

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Upcoming Events

NYC April 13th, 1-4pm - Swing by Minus Moonshine to taste my new drink (parentheses) and support this iconic, queer-owned NA bottleshop.

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NYC April 20th, 12-3pm - Join me (and nine other sober women!) for a three hour event at Rent Money Lounge. I’ll be speaking on a panel, signing and selling books, and offering samples of my new drink. Use discount code TAWNY20 for 20% off tickets.

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VIRTUAL May 22nd, 7-9EST - Want to write a non-fiction book but have no idea where to start? Take my new virtual class! This course will help you understand what exactly a book proposal is and how to actually enjoy writing your own.

Whether you're pitching a non-fiction book or a non-fiction card deck, Book Proposal 101: Stop Dreading It and Start Writing It will help you feel empowered by the proposal process rather than overwhelmed.

OK, you might still feel overwhelmed, but you can totally do this!

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XO,