Booze-Free Boomer Looking for Love
6 Questions to ask yourself before dating someone who drinks
Welcome! I’m Tawny, an advice columnist better known as “The Sober Sexpert” and author of Dry Humping: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze. I’m here to empower you to find your *intrinsic* courage without booze—regardless of your relationship status—one date at a time.
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Nov 15th - (LA) Live convo with
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Dear Tawny,
I’m a mature, 69-year-old woman and 54 days alcohol-free (AF). Woo ho!
I’m looking to date but I don’t exactly know where to start now that I no longer drink. Mainly, I want to know: Should I date men who are also AF (who I used to think boring), date men who are moderate drinkers, or wait until I have been AF for a longer period before dating at all?
-Grace Slick
I love your sign-off name so much! For the uninitiated, Grace Slick is the iconic lead singer of the psychedelic rock band Jefferson Airplane and Jefferson Starship and eventually…. Starship. To hear more of my rock ‘n roll aficionado brain, listen to new episodes of Recovery Rocks podcast—which I cohost with Lisa Smith—every Friday.
While I’m not a Boomer, I’ve always related to Boomers. My mom and I joke that I, too, grew up in the 70’s because my childhood was filled with her favorite reruns of The Partridge Family, The Jeffersons, and Welcome Back Kotter while also listening to The Doors and The Spinners. I even have a 45-adapter tattoo, which is accidental Boomer-cum-hipster bait, meaning the only people who recognize that image are either Boomers who grew up with record players or hipsters, like myself, who still collect vinyl. Maybe I’ll start a new writing niche as The Boomer Whisperer? Let’s see how my advice is received first.
Enough about me. Let’s get to “Grace’s” question. Even though I relate to Boomers, I’m an extremely online Millennial. So I called in for backup: My cool Boomer aunt, Tracey, and my bestie/mentor/co-host Gen-X memoirist, Lisa.
Sober For 54 Days
Age differences aside, 54 days is still very early in your sober (curious) journey. There’s an old AA adage of “just wait a year” before dating, having sex, or making any significant life changes (unless your safety is in jeopardy). But no advice is one-size-fits-all. The reason AA, me, and mental health professionals typically encourage you to work on yourself first is obvious: The first chapter of my book is titled Dating Yourself for this very reason. You must learn who you are without booze before going on dates.
I’m also aware that day count really can be just a number. Maybe you’ve been dating yourself for some time now. Perhaps this is your second or third go at living alcohol-free, so you’ve already done a great deal of The Work. Plus, you’re 69. You probably know yourself pretty well. You’ve been through a lot of shit, and getting sober (curious) at your age shows you’re smart enough to know that it’s never too late to become who you’re meant to be.
Do I Date a Drinker?
Six questions to ask yourself…
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